Straying from Topics, with thoughts in the Tropics

The fear i find, im learning to love.

when its quiet and were all still

something sinks..

 You sit in the silent room with closed eyes..

i would join you but you wouldnt join me.

and i plead you not to.

in this room, as every other one,

All that we remember,

silence would be golden.

if it came back to me.

complete honesty? this is a trial i face

what would you do if you were in my place.

amidst the glory from within, 

whilst attacked by fiends and friends.

glory, glory, glory.

i cant pray to you.

i cant see you and rarely feel you.

tides reside, calming and curling

the sea we ride,

with its ever going wakes, washing water weekly.

until all is new.

i come out of it, this or whatever you call it.

to me it is me, or it is "i"

this is why love in the form of intimacy between bodies

is a challenging effort, seeming to doubt itself with analysis 

its a rewwinder triggerd by a reminder

when you read you must relate to understand

 see your dream all you seek..

and now take your hands and choke it

Drastic?

i believe so

out of control, is no way to survive

its no way to think, to breathe when your internal chemistry must be malipulated by the state if you enter its walls

they feed symptoms and drive any thing of feeling, even the good away.

oaky.

now remember the down and dispear you hide from ,

what u dont ever want to think about because it deystroys you

now,

it surfaces and looks at you, you can touch it and speak to it

and everyone says your mad

i feel mad, worse than the hatter on several occasions

the man, fear and hoplessnes are a trigger/portal into a part of me that is very hard to get out of

especially when it feels safe and more real than this keyboard

Reminder, is the whispers

telling you of the 16th year that they and myself, part of myself broke.

everything i had broke. and im happy

i needed it in order to survive this..

its a wonder to me i can smile,

its stronger than me.

thank you for your love. this is my door

i absorb and become you to aid me into dawn

i am light and will be, 

with you and me, and us and i

you are beautiful and are beond your physicality

even when its all i can see.

the power of chaos is put into a word

schizoaffective, the splitting and ripping of the mind, thus pieced again only to split.

thank you luck and chance, no sarcasm

im honored to be alive on this day.

sleep well.

i dont want to spell check B-)