Entangled Ego and Personality

TK has a healthy body, a semi-productive mind, active imagination, and a personality.  -self narrative

I now am comfortable in my personality, assets and liabilities. I find what i have to offer the world to be very deserve and in some areas in-depth. I would say i am persevering, curious, open minded, appreciative and compassionate. As also i can be flaky, unreliable, argumentative and obsessive when i am stressed. I have been trying to distinguish the separation of my ego from my personality. I have now concluded that identifying myself to my personality does not due my true nature justice. My ego is so firmly entangled with my personality it has effected almost all of my behavioral patterns. I AM not my behavioral patterns, most of these are habits and immediate response policies.

In sitting in silence i came to understand that even my sense of humor, that I have identify with, is NOT me. Trying to figure out what I AM, i decided to state what i know isn't me. My ego, first off.

My Ego, is not an enemy, not a friend, but a temporary companion on this adventure. A different way of viewing things. He is also beautiful and, just there. My(the) Ego is under the constant unshakable belief that there is danger around and we must be afraid. That i should fight, try and control and run from things. My ego like to pleasure himself..be it with drugs, pride, complements, women, achievements, distraction, laziness--the temporary quick-fix is his thing. ALL show, ALL transparent.  may sound negative, but this is not my(one's) true nature. true being.


So that is my ego. He is mostly afraid of being alone. This happens when he thinks we are in jeopardy of loosing what we have; be it trust, statute, friends, affection..etc... Mostly my ego is in fear of being alone, for we have felt intense depression for extended lengths of time and almost fully believed we were alone through all of it. (CRITICAL point *My ego believes there is separation) Me and my ego grew together, shaping this thing called personality. We learned how to manipulate others to make us feel safe, secure, and pleased. We learned that we were not better, faster, stronger, more attractive, cooler than those around us so we feared for ourselves in that we would be alone and sad. Depression was a core personality formation.
Seeing how me and my ego grew together did not grieve me but gave me a more detailed map to where i might find myself, or what i could identify as a self?!



When it comes to the things that i value highly about myself i view these things -perseverance, curiosity, acceptance and Love. If i take away the ego, and understand why he had formed, i can see more of who i am. And why i needed to experience the the suffering of ego. When i take away the ego i see myself start to merge with those around me. YET I STILL have individuality, not the kind my ego sought for recognition, but the signature code of who/what i am. The specif blend of _____ that makes me. Stardust, light, matter, pure consciousness, source, ether, holy spirit.. i am not really sure.
But i walk alongside my ego today, i am not my ego; we are only temporarily connected. teaching each other about the nature of and walking towards common goal.




Thanks for reading, i support words and thinking. Enjoy the day, being mindful of the ego may assist one in much growth.
-ThadeousKnoxford