continue the oct fall entry

i left last entry early i had deja vu and was f***in tired
yes i sensor myself cause i love u all
and hello D.U.D.E.

i had symptoms last time and i was explaining my evening plans
i wound up just going home, i couldnt sleep my mind was racing in analizing social interactions, which i love. my concepts for reality was changing. i see dreams and imagination, and other lives JUST as REAL as what i  live in now. its all ythe same to me. this was an issue at first but now i see it as, wherever i am i need to be responsable. i will not use drugs. this only lead to trouble, loss of the things and beliefs i love, addiction, and serious mental health issuses. i will remain who i believe "i" am.
after i tried to sleep i realized i needed to listen to music. the band in specific Fuck Buttons. no sensor. and experimental noise band with amazzzing slow compesition.
it help me realize i had noting to fear, i was in no danger, only myself could harm me.
i thouhgt of how i feel when im not experencing psychosis, and i felt like i had ONE identity. lying there alone i felt compleetly together. i was sorounded by every emotion, and part of me. the good. the bad. i was also surrounded by everyone else i love. which is everyone, i may not like how people behave but we all have a heart, only sometimes are heart is in darkness, but the heart never has darkness inside it.

i need to go to class
but to those who seek things from me, against my descission
stay away. you are not welcome and there will be necesary consequences
i am too busy with too much on my mind
i am busy always
leave me alone, there will be neccesary consequences, healthy ones.

to those i love, live love grow cry imagine
5ER