DVD remote is broke again.. so is the clock

im constantly thinking outside of the moment, im trying to be present. this is hard. But living in the future and past cant be all bad..?
I dont understand how we measure time, i find it somewhat of a nuscense. useless in my cercumstances but i see it as a great foundation and pillar which just about every man made thing runs on. We diddnt make time but we made clocks, and schedules, and our calendar, and daylight savings.
we made hours and time limits.
Kids see time in a different light, time out in a corner seems like days while there ice cream cone vanishes quickly. this is based on emotion rather than distance. i dont want to base my time on distance or duration but rather on experience and signifigence.
but..
If i cant stop thinking negativly i will disapear. i do not want this for when i leave you all i leave with my head down. i have ropes tying me down so i can pull myself back up and onto my "dome throne"They are attached to my house and friends, my music and art, and everyone elses smile and energy. im glad to share this when i can.
but rapid downfall scares me. i dont like the sinking into chaos of my own worry. Seeing everyone hate me and all i love perish. it can even be just sadness i absorb via empathy. I saw a friend and how she grew up in a bad enviornment and her face as she cried, her voice cracked and she was shaking. she cut and ran. it pieced together this puzzle and sometimes i dont want to hear peoples pasts.

When you were drunk u detached from reality. you fed into yourself and were somehow absent but never moving physically...except when you fell into the pool.
When you were stoned you laughed and thought, seeing things different and magic if you wanted, or paranoia.
When you took your ecstasy you were gone. the part of you came out and you changed into laughter and love. and sweat and puke.
when you were tripping and entering new worlds of mind, seeing only what you thought the blind could. when time slowed and patterns slipped into your head giving you the sense that you were more.

when you do this you always come back. sometimes states of mind are hard to shake and repeatedly renter your mood. you cant turn off the voices and closing your eyes only makes things worse. and you cant run, which is good because it is fast and would catch you. you sit and wait, reason and breathe.
sigh..
7 breathes in a row
7 times a day
focus on where your thoughts have taken you and where you want them to

not run from anything it is okay to feel bad, sometimes the only way out is through.

0><0
Teezzy Kahreezy