20 years and 1/365 (day after Bday)

1.)
From the other side
things are clear

when you close your eyes
we are near

Smile back daughters and sons,
 let them correct what they have done.

With there endless garbage entertainment
 Sleeps a garden within, without boundaries.


2.)
I slept in a seed under a forest of greed
with water i grew searching for you
Every leaf i own every scar I've shown
I remain ALIVE with LIFE



3.)
if water could run upstream and time moved counterclockwise..
only then this would make sense.
If we walked backwards to go to sleep all day..
maybe some words would seem audible .
If the night sky shown bright fiery red...
and the warm sunny night welcomed your ear...
you might end YOUR fear,
 for you fear what you hear
inside dear,
beneath it's clear :).


Last night i sat in the recliner which i now choose to be my meditation throne ;) I had just had my birthday, i turned 20 that day. I knew on the way home in the dark car that i would have a meaningful experience, as always. Things were out order during the day which caught me off guard, i have some difficulty adapting like most when my daily schedule is disturbed. This disturbance lead to symptoms which i dealt with and let go. I felt weak and everything became negative. I was a failure, every girl i like hates me, i'm a liar, ugly, worthless.
This was symptoms of course i am not a sad being, this was who i was, not is who i am.
These days things are different, even inside this low frequency cloud of despair i smiled inside for it is only momentary and i must go through. It was and lessons were learned and will be.
So that evening i was the last up, i stretched and sat calmly with headphones on. I spun the chair to face the large window feet before me and saw the forest in the backyard and then closed my eyes.

There lied Metatron's cube. graphics and rotations, patterns and lines. only present if i can hold onto the focus. The thing is if i try to look into the void i see nothing, i have to just be..and then it is there. It is.
I saw chaos as i breathed deep, crumbling structures and shaking pyramids. the three in a distance looking like Giza. There were ones in mountains though and robes and running. Chaos but beneath it a smile, everything is okay. It had been cleansed or is in the process.
I opened a pathway, a line, a rip. Like in October but not as significant i assume. I have already felt the change in it. I made a decision to not seek a future but just be in the future, what comes i enter. I ride and accept what is out of my control.

That night i had a terrible nightmare involving black magic, demons, animal attacks, suffering and i lost my voice during so no one could hear me. I had to snap out of it and once i woke i walked around for a bit. I went to the bathroom and noticed i was seeing kaleidescope-like distortions on wherever i looked. A psychedelic hallucination which i figured was a direct response to my nightmare, it was opaque over what i visible saw, kind of painted over. I laid back down and slept on it until today.


The awakening is strong and difficult but easy in the fact it is simple.
love and light, TittiKakkah
<3